Thank you so much for answer those questions. As a thank you, here is a little gift for you in how to support your athlete with asking the coach about play time.

First, I know how deeply you care about your athlete. I understand because I am also a mother of three high-level athletes, and I want the absolute best for my children too. However, one of the most important roles you have as a parent is understanding that it is not your job to talk to the coach about playing time. It is also critical to be mindful of your words and how you speak about coaches, teammates, and the team environment around your athlete.


Do Not Talk to Coaches About Playing Time

Coaches generally do not want to discuss playing time with parents. They want to hear directly from the athlete.


So if your athlete is not getting the playing time they believe they deserve (or you believe they deserve), the best thing you can do is empower your athlete to advocate for themselves.

Encourage them to ask:

“Coach, what can I do to earn more playing time?”

or

“Coach, what can I do to earn a starting position?”

This works because it eliminates complaining. Also, this approach is proactive, mature, and solutions-focused.


Playing time is typically earned through:

  • Consistency

  • Effort

  • Coachability

  • Performance

  • Value to the team


If your athlete is not playing as much as they would like, there is usually an opportunity for growth in one or more of these areas.

When you use the word “earn,” this language shows ownership and maturity.

By asking how to earn more time, your athlete acknowledges:

  • They are willing to work

  • They are open to feedback

  • They are taking responsibility

Plus, talking the coaches builds confidence and life skills. Learning how to ask difficult questions, advocate for themselves, and have uncomfortable conversations is one of the greatest gifts sports can offer young athletes.


Yes, it may feel uncomfortable and that is perfectly okay. Growth often happens in discomfort and your role is to support them through it, not do it for them.

Real Example:

I once had a 4th grader at a 5th–8th grade training session confidently ask me why she was placed on the bottom court. If a 10-year-old can do that, your athlete can too.

Let me know if you have any questions and thank you for being the best part of JSV!!!

Sincerely,

Krystal Jackson